Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
