remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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