the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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