OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
