So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize