my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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