If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
