just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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