Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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