So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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