I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
