hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
