we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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