You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He passed out mid-signature
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Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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