2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The feeling are messing with the penis
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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