You smell like a Billy Joel song
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
