And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
