some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
