i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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