is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
