Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
