happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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