Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
