I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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