Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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