his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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