do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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