I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
