The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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