And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
