EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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