where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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