Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
