I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
