checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
