She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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