woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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