Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
