he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
