I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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