I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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