also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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