Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
