When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
