I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize