We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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