I never want to see another naked old woman again.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He better not be in your backpack
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
