her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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