You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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