Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
