He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
