sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
