life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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