I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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