Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize