You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
