I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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