dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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