I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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