I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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