It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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