Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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